Lessons in Confession from a Legendary Punk
The importance of confession, the fancy word for “admit”, is exceptionally significant. Not only does it allow us to improve our relationships, it can also bring a relief inside our soul that cultivates life. When we admit we’re wrong we open the door for trust and respect. Why? Because everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone has the character to admit it.
How to Get Better at Admitting You’re Wrong
The first time I heard Mike Ness, vocalist and songwriter for the punk rock band Social Distortion, sing I Was Wrong, I was floored. With so many artists bragging about how amazing they are, how right they are or how wrong everyone else is, it was refreshing to hear someone admit they were wrong. Ness spent year after year in rehab for drug addiction, damaged several relationships and had multiple encounters with the law. Now age 57, he’s expressing himself with raw humility…
When I was young, I was so full of fear
I hid behind anger, held back the tears
It was me against the world, I was sure that I'd win
The world fought back, punished me for my sinsI felt so alone, so insecure
I blamed you instead and made sure I was heard
And they tried to warn me of my evil ways
But I couldn't hear what they had to sayI was wrong
Self destruction's got me again
I was wrong
I realized now that I was wrongI grew up fast, I grew up hard
Something was wrong from the very start
I was fighting everybody, I was fighting everything
But the only one that I hurt was meI realized now that I was wrong
When You Do Not Want to Admit You Are Wrong
Why is it so hard to admit being wrong? One reason is that we may believe we are a genuinely good person, so when we make a mistake, let’s say allowing anger to get the better of us, we experience a clash in our brain. We’re a kind person that people like, yet we just humiliated ourself with our anger. This is called cognitive dissonance - the stress we go through when we experience two opposing thoughts. Our response from this inconvenience may be to deny that we’re at fault. After all, nobody wants our kindness endangered by potential evidence that we’re actually a bully. This threatens our sense of self, which in turn can cause us to avoid the fact that we made a mistake.
Yet the importance of confession, which is a fancy word for “admit”, is exceptionally significant. Not only does it allow us to improve our relationships, it can also bring a relief inside our soul that cultivates life. When we admit we’re wrong we open the door for trust and respect. Why? Because everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone has the character to admit it.
How to Admit You’re Wrong in a Relationship
God Himself has established admitting wrongness (confession) as one of the core aspects of developing a relationship with Him. The Apostle John said it like this,
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins
and purify us from all unrighteousness.
(1 John 1:8-9, NIV)
The day that I finally admitted to God that I was wrong and He was right was the best day of my life. This was the day I became a follower of Jesus, but wow was it difficult for me to get to the point of admitting I was wrong! Ironically, once I did finally get to that point, I never felt better. There was an enormous relief inside of me to get that off the shoulder’s of my soul and accept the fact that God loved me anyway. And that’s an important fact: God doesn’t love us based on our behavoirs; God loves us… period. He IS love. He chooses to love. He wants to love. This is crucial to understand for us to move forward with admitting we are wrong.
This truth pours over into our relationships with one another as well. If love is the reason we respond to God by admitting we’re wrong, love can also be the reason we admit wrongness to each other. When we understand in the core of our being that we are loved, accepted and forgiven, regardless of what we’ve done, it can propel us to live in humiilty with one another.
Take the risk and admit you’re wrong. This might go against everything inside you as you want to justify something, or explain your excuses, or are scared to death of looking weak. But the truth is, strong people admit they are wrong. Successful people admit they are wrong. Good people admit they are wrong.
One of my favorite examples of this in the Bible is when King David, who had recently committed adultery and murder, finally breaks down and admits he’s wrong after being confronted by the prophet Nathan. Although the consequences of his mistakes were enormous (which would’ve happened whether or not he confessed his sins), once he was able to admit his wrongness, he experienced freedom in his soul. In fact, one of his most cherished songs, that is still sung today, was written in response to this experience. The lyrics of that song may be a very helpful tool to learn how to take steps to admit wrongness.
How to Admit You’re Wrong
Like many of you, I’ve learned that one of the values of confession is that it can better both my relationship with God and my relationships with others. It’s inconvenient, and it can hurt, but it brings life, and I’m committed to cultivating life more than protecting my pride. For many people though, admitting wrongness isn’t just inconvenient… it’s excruciatingly difficult! If that’s you, you probably recognize how this impacts your life. You wish you could “just admit it”, but there’s a strong part of you that wishes “THEY would just admit it”. And that’s part of the challenge with confession. Many times it’s a multifaceted, rather complicated endeavor. We want them to admit they’re wrong, and then maybe we’ll think about what we might’ve done wrong.
If you find yourself stuck in this rut, I know what it’s like to hold on to resentment toward others and hold back from admitting that we too were wrong. But consider some of these thoughts:
Admitting you’re wrong doesn’t mean you’re weak.
Admitting you’re wrong doesn’t mean “they” didn’t do everything right (they might be even more at fault than you are, but you can’t control their confession… only yours).
God rewards those who can admit they’re wrong (even if man uses our confession against us).
Admitting you’re wrong is the right thing to do (even if it’s just admitting it to yourself and God, this is an extremely crucial step in being able to move forward in your life in a healthy way).
Ready to admit you’re wrong? Here’s a few ways to go about it:
Admit the truth to yourself (this doesn’t have to be a shameful experience)
Admit the truth to God (truth sets people free!)
Tell the person “I am sorry, I was wrong” (simple and clear… these are powerful words!)
Look for the lesson (there’s always an opportunity to learn something).
Forgive yourself and move on with grace, compassion and love toward youself and others
I hope this has been an encouraging read for you! Don’t give up! Keep moving forward!
If you’re stuck in the rut of pride, unforgiveness or hurt, I am here for you! Please contact me and let’s come up with strategies to overcome! There’s always hope!