This is what happens when Jar Jar almost commits suicide

How to forgive after being bombarded with hate 

When Ahmed Best received the opportunity to be apart of a Star Wars movie, he knew his life would never be the same. The outcome of the experience, however, was the polar opposite of what he had envisioned. Jar Jar Binks would become the most hated character in the history of the franchise. The public’s criticism was ruthless; Ahmed had no preparation for the backlash. He eventually found himself standing on the edge of the Brooklyn Bridge ready to end it all. He tells his story honestly and beautifully here.

Today I want to take a closer look at learning how to forgive people who have hurt us. You may feel stuck in a pit of resentment, but there is always hope! Some of the worst victims of some of the worst injustices have learned how to forgive. Google amazing stories of forgiveness and you will find numerous situations of people who have learned to overcome incredible pain and become an agent of healing. If they can learn how to forgive, so can you!

How Do You Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible?

A simple definition of forgiveness is to release someone from your judgement. This sounds great in theory, but one of the most challenging aspects of learning how to forgive is the obstacle of feeling like what we’re actually saying is what they did was okay. But consider what forgiveness doesn’t mean:  

• It doesn’t mean you are saying what they did was okay.

• It doesn’t mean you need to talk to the person. 

• It doesn’t mean your feelings have to change about the hurt they caused. 

• It doesn’t mean you have to continue with the relationship.

• It doesn’t mean you’re doing them a favor. 

Learning How To Forgive Like A Boss

Now to be clear, as you learn how to forgive, it might be very beneficial for you to continue the relationship or be a blessing to them or have your feelings change for the better. But those aren’t necessarily required for forgiveness to be real inside of you. You can release someone from your judgment while still hurting inside. You can learn how to forgive and choose not to continue having them in your life if that’s what is really needed. 

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Forgiveness is an amazingly freeing gift. By learning how to forgive, you let go of your grievance and allow yourself to heal. And this is completely possible with the help of Jesus. 

How to forgive has a lot to do with acknowledging what happened and discovering how to resolve it inside of yourself between you and God. While sometimes forgiveness is a simple decision within ourselves, other times it is like running a soul marathon. This might be a journey that takes time through prayer, meditation, or counseling. Either way, forgiveness has more to do with you than the person who hurt you, for learning how to forgive is always a blessing to you.  

I once heard someone say, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and then thinking they are the one who will die.” This is important. Accept the reality that you’re doing yourself a huge favor by taking the steps to learn how to forgive.

Here are some important steps to learning how to forgive:

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• Acknowledge what happened. Don’t downplay it. It is what it is. Someone hurt you.  

• Admit that you’ve been holding this person in judgment. This isn’t to make you feel bad, it’s to simply admit your struggle to God. Confession is often an important step to inner freedom.  

• Think of the good that has come from the situation. There are usually some important lessons you can gain from the experience. What have you learned? How have you grown? 

• Think about Jesus. Think about how he was wrongly accused, humiliated, rejected, and abused. If he can go through all of that and still say “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” while nailed to the cross, you can forgive too. (Luke 23 // 1 Peter 2:21-25)  

• If you haven’t yet, choose to be a Jesus follower. Ask Jesus to forgive you for your sins and choose to allow him to be the Lord and Savior of your life. This is the start of truly learning how to forgive. By becoming a follower of Jesus you allow him to enter your life and give you the ability to live the way he designed, which includes learning how to forgive. (Romans 10:9-10 // Matthew 11:28-30)

• Pray for help. Something like, “Jesus, thank you for your forgiveness. I ask that you’d teach me to forgive the same way you’ve forgiven me…” (Ephesians 4:32 // Matthew 18:21-35)

• View the person that hurt you with compassion and/or pity. Think about how they’re a human with the same tendencies that all humans have. Recognize that hurt people, hurt people. If they hurt you that means they may be hurting themselves, or they may have been trying to meet a need within themselves in an unhealthy way.

• Release the person. Pray something like, “Jesus, I release this person from my judgment. I forgive them and surrender them into your hands. I also surrender my control over the situation. I choose to heal rather than to hate. I pray that you will bless this person with your love. Help them to know your forgiveness too.” (Luke 6:27-36) 

• If appropriate, you may want to express to the one who hurt you that you have forgiven them.   

Now is a Good Time to Soar in the Counseling Journey 

You’re not alone! If you’re trying to learn how to forgive or if you’re stuck in the midst of depression or guilt, there’s always hope! You can learn to heal and become a healing agent! I would be honored to come alongside you on this journey.

When your Cranium gets Crammed with Colossal Craziness

Emerging your self-talk to new heights

The power of positive thinking is real. Everybody I know wants to know how to be happy, and most of us understand that positive thinking is a crucial part of the equation. If positive thinking has become a priority for you, well done! Keep reading…

You know what it’s like when you hear a song for the first time and it strikes a chord in you so deep that you get emotional? That’s how it was for me the first time I heard NF’s The Search. Here’s the specific lines that caught me attention...

Last year I had a breakdown
Thoughts tellin me I'm lost gettin too loud
Had to see a therapist then I found out
Somethin' funny's going on up in my house
Yeah started thinkin' maybe I should move out
You know pack my cart take a new route
Clean up my yard get the noose out
Hang up my heart let it air out

The point I'm makin is the mind is a powerful place
And what you feed it can affect you in a powerful way
It's pretty cool right?
Yeah, but it's not always safe
Just hang with me this will only take a moment okay
Just think about it for a second if you look at your face
Every day when you get up and think you'll never be great
You'll never be great
Not because you're not but the hate
Will always find a way to cut you up and murder your faith

Nathan Feuerstein (NF) communicates so well what it’s like for someone struggling with positive thinking. Our brains are an amazing masterpiece of creation that have the power of life and death, and if left untamed, will lead to unfortunate places. That’s why books on how to think positive are aplenty, everyone wants to know how the secret to positive thinking! 

Is it possible to rewire our brains to embrace positive thinking?

Here’s an excerpt from National Geographic regarding the fleshy computer in our skulls:  

You carry around a three-pound mass of wrinkly material in your head that controls every single thing you will ever do. From enabling you to think, learn, create, and feel emotions to controlling every blink, breath, and heartbeat—this fantastic control center is your brain. It is a structure so amazing that a famous scientist once called it "the most complex thing we have yet discovered in our universe."

Like all wonderful things in life, we must be careful to be good stewards of our brains. Our minds are extremely powerful, and therefore, as Stan Lee taught us, with great power comes great responsibility. If you’re like me, you’ve had seasons in your past where you forgot to be a good steward of you self-talk and positive thinking became a forgotten pipe dream. The ramifications can be devastating, but there’s good news! Your brain, with some diligent practice, can be transformed into something beautiful again! Here’s how the Apostle Paul put it…

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
(Romans 12:2)

How to train your mind to think positively

Picture yourself on a trail. Pretend the trail is a path that you’ve realized is leading toward a certain doom. On your left with an incline covered in dense plant life and trees. You decide to take out your machete and start building a new trail. How much work would that be? How long would it take? Right. A lot of work and a long time. However, would it be worth it if that new trail led to certain life? Absolutely. 

Our brains are very similar! We have the ability to create new pathways in our minds! It’s going to take a lot of practice, but it will be completely worth it. The more we practice healthy self-talk the more the build a new pathway upstairs. And the other cool part about this process is that the negative trail begins to get overgrown. In other words, our brain figures out that we don’t need that trail anymore and the new trail becomes the “go to” pathway. 

If you’re struggling with your thoughts, be encouraged! There is hope! You can practice healthy thinking and become “transformed by the renewing of your mind”. Positive thinking can become a reality for you! You can embrace the thought life that your Creator intended for you to have; a thought life that brings exactly that… life!  If you’d like to talk more about this please consider scheduling an appointment with me. I’d be happy to come alongside you as your Christian Counselor and teach you more tools to develop healthy, gracious self-talk. There’s always hope!

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)