How to Be Happy on Valentine's Day

Embracing new practices that will dramatically transform your happiness

Whether you’re alone or are with someone but still feel alone, Valentine’s Day can be tricky for some people as they struggle with how to be happy. You’re not alone in that. The desire for happiness is a universal want in all humans. Everywhere. In fact, learning how to be happy is such a strong desire that, at one point, the class Positive Psychology became the most popular class at Harvard University. This class was pulling in 1,000 students each week! 

Here’s what some studies have shown about our happiness:

• 50% is determined by our genes (our genetic set point)

• 10% is circumstances (money, social status, health, age, where you live, etc.)

• 40% is intentional activity (actions you choose to do)

Think about that last stat… 40% of “how to be happy” comes from intentional activity. That’s a lot! Compare that to only 10% being determined by our circumstances! This means whether or not you’re happy on Valentine's Day (or any other day for that matter) can have much more to do with intentional activity than you might have thought. This is good news friends; this means you have a lot of control over how to be happy! 

So, yes, a person can experience deep and genuine happiness with bad circumstances, but it does come with a catch... that person is going to need to be willing to work for it. Intentional activity doesn’t happen by itself, in a vacuum or by osmosis. We have to be willing to practice.  (By the way, to see more on this check out Galatians 6:9 in the Bible… it’s the verse I’ve built much of my life upon.)

7 Things You Can Practice NOW to Learn How to be Happy

1) Get a Dopamine Hit

Dopamine, a chemical neurotransmitter in the brain, is necessary for feelings of pleasure and happiness. You can seek out healthy experiences that release dopamine. Want to know one of the easiest ways to achieve this? Aerobic exercise. That’s right, cardiovascular conditioning (fast walking, swimming, running, cycling, etc.) is one of the best ways to release dopamine, especially if you do it in novel ways (a simple Google search will reveal lots of ideas). 

2) Get In the Zone

In the 2011 documentary Happy, Filmmaker Roko Belic travels to more than a dozen countries, searching for the meaning of happiness. He found something called flow - “a kind of synergy of different aspects of consciousness where you wish you could go forever because you're good at it, nothing else matters in that moment, you forget yourself and love life…” What he learned is that people who experience flow on a regular basis are happier than those who don't. 

3) Recover from Adversity

Surprisingly, one of the keys to learning how to be happy is found in bouncing back. This might seem like a daunting task, but honestly, a lot of it has to do with our mindset.  (Check out Galatians 6:9 , James 1:12 and Romans 5:3-5 for some inspiration). 

4) Be Content with What You Have

This is one of the most striking aspects of the documentary, Happy. Roko talks about The Hedonic Treadmill, which is “adapting to material things and then wanting more...then more...then more…  because you keep adapting to the next thing”. The truth is, once you have your basic needs met, more money doesn't buy more happiness. Yes, the difference in happiness between the person who earns $5,000 and $50,000 is dramatic, but the difference in happiness between the person who earns $50,000 and $50 million is not dramatic. As it turns out, Hedonic Adaptation is one of the main enemies of happiness. In other words, if we can learn to be content with what we have rather than having to purchase yet another “thing” on Amazon, we will finally begin to learn how to be happy. 

5) Have a Close, Supportive Community 

There are two types of goals we pursue in life: intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic goals are satisfying in and of themselves. They have to do with important psychological needs that all people have. The three main intrinsic goals are:

• Personal goals (trying to be who I really am)

• Close, connected relationships 

• Community feeling (wanting to help the world be a better place)

By committing to cultivating healthy relationships, you will be learning how to be happy. This is especially true if the people you associate with are trying to help the world become a better place! (For more on this see Hebrews 10:24-25)

6) Decrease the Value of Things that Aren’t Worth It 

Extrinsic goals are those things that are external… possessions, rewards, praise, etc. Do these things matter? Yes, to an extent. The problem comes when we put too much value in them. The three most common are:  

• Money (financial success)

• Image (looking good)

• Status (popularity)

All three of those have their place in the world. But honestly, their place should take a back seat to many of the things in life that matter most (God, people, family, mental health, physical state and emotional well-being). As you practice lowering those on the priority list you’ll be teaching yourself, and others, how to be happy. (For more on this see Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 6)

7) Intentionally change your brain with certain practices

Consider the following practices as potential action items to include as part of your life experience to learn how to be happy:

• Believe in something bigger than yourself (Jesus is much bigger than me and I’m so thankful!)

• Cooperate with people (evidently, cooperating with another human can feel just as good as a drug!)

• Show compassion (show people that they're not forgotten, they are loved by God and are precious!)

• Random acts of kindness (do this regularly and you will definitely be on the path to know how to be happy!)

• Laugh (laughter is good medicine!)

• Mindfulness (meditation that cultivates compassion might be more effective than antidepressants!) 

• Journal (every Sunday night write down 5 things you're thankful for and contemplate them...count your blessings!)

• Serve the person right in front of you (helping others carry their burdens can lighten your own load!) 

• Forgive (releasing people from your judgment will allow freedom for your soul! Practice forgiveness!)

All of these practices help us cultivate healthy spiritual emotions. If we put these into action we can intentionally change our brains! The paradox here is that if we’re worried about our own happiness, it can become a selfish endeavor. However, if we concern ourselves with the well-being of others and care about something bigger than ourselves, our life can grow! (For more on this see Romans 12:1-3, and really chew on verse 2!)

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If you’ve been hurt and your love tank is running on fumes

take a few moments each day to cultivate happiness.

You'll transform your brain, and your heart, in very positive ways!

Don’t give up! There’s always hope! 

If you are still struggling with how to be happy or content in your life, I’m here for you!