How to forgive after being bombarded with hate 

When Ahmed Best received the opportunity to be apart of a Star Wars movie, he knew his life would never be the same. The outcome of the experience, however, was the polar opposite of what he had envisioned. Jar Jar Binks would become the most hated character in the history of the franchise. The public’s criticism was ruthless; Ahmed had no preparation for the backlash. He eventually found himself standing on the edge of the Brooklyn Bridge ready to end it all. He tells his story honestly and beautifully here.

Today I want to take a closer look at learning how to forgive people who have hurt us. You may feel stuck in a pit of resentment, but there is always hope! Some of the worst victims of some of the worst injustices have learned how to forgive. Google amazing stories of forgiveness and you will find numerous situations of people who have learned to overcome incredible pain and become an agent of healing. If they can learn how to forgive, so can you!

How Do You Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible?

A simple definition of forgiveness is to release someone from your judgement. This sounds great in theory, but one of the most challenging aspects of learning how to forgive is the obstacle of feeling like what we’re actually saying is what they did was okay. But consider what forgiveness doesn’t mean:  

• It doesn’t mean you are saying what they did was okay.

• It doesn’t mean you need to talk to the person. 

• It doesn’t mean your feelings have to change about the hurt they caused. 

• It doesn’t mean you have to continue with the relationship.

• It doesn’t mean you’re doing them a favor. 

Learning How To Forgive Like A Boss

Now to be clear, as you learn how to forgive, it might be very beneficial for you to continue the relationship or be a blessing to them or have your feelings change for the better. But those aren’t necessarily required for forgiveness to be real inside of you. You can release someone from your judgment while still hurting inside. You can learn how to forgive and choose not to continue having them in your life if that’s what is really needed. 

Forgiveness is an amazingly freeing gift. By learning how to forgive, you let go of your grievance and allow yourself to heal. And this is completely possible with the help of Jesus. 

How to forgive has a lot to do with acknowledging what happened and discovering how to resolve it inside of yourself between you and God. While sometimes forgiveness is a simple decision within ourselves, other times it is like running a soul marathon. This might be a journey that takes time through prayer, meditation, or counseling. Either way, forgiveness has more to do with you than the person who hurt you, for learning how to forgive is always a blessing to you.  

I once heard someone say, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and then thinking they are the one who will die.” This is important. Accept the reality that you’re doing yourself a huge favor by taking the steps to learn how to forgive.

Here are some important steps to learning how to forgive:

• Acknowledge what happened. Don’t downplay it. It is what it is. Someone hurt you.  

• Admit that you’ve been holding this person in judgment. This isn’t to make you feel bad, it’s to simply admit your struggle to God. Confession is often an important step to inner freedom.  

• Think of the good that has come from the situation. There are usually some important lessons you can gain from the experience. What have you learned? How have you grown? 

• Think about Jesus. Think about how he was wrongly accused, humiliated, rejected, and abused. If he can go through all of that and still say “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” while nailed to the cross, you can forgive too. (Luke 23 // 1 Peter 2:21-25)  

• If you haven’t yet, choose to be a Jesus follower. Ask Jesus to forgive you for your sins and choose to allow him to be the Lord and Savior of your life. This is the start of truly learning how to forgive. By becoming a follower of Jesus you allow him to enter your life and give you the ability to live the way he designed, which includes learning how to forgive. (Romans 10:9-10 // Matthew 11:28-30)

• Pray for help. Something like, “Jesus, thank you for your forgiveness. I ask that you’d teach me to forgive the same way you’ve forgiven me…” (Ephesians 4:32 // Matthew 18:21-35)

• View the person that hurt you with compassion and/or pity. Think about how they’re a human with the same tendencies that all humans have. Recognize that hurt people, hurt people. If they hurt you that means they may be hurting themselves, or they may have been trying to meet a need within themselves in an unhealthy way.

• Release the person. Pray something like, “Jesus, I release this person from my judgment. I forgive them and surrender them into your hands. I also surrender my control over the situation. I choose to heal rather than to hate. I pray that you will bless this person with your love. Help them to know your forgiveness too.” (Luke 6:27-36) 

• If appropriate, you may want to express to the one who hurt you that you have forgiven them.   

Now is a Good Time to Soar in the Counseling Journey 

You’re not alone! If you’re trying to learn how to forgive or if you’re stuck in the midst of depression or guilt, there’s always hope! You can learn to heal and become a healing agent! I would be honored to come alongside you on this journey.